Pass In Time
by KaGoMiAkA
Summary: Inuyasha fell to his knees in horror. His yokai was wailing in pain and his human soul was ravaged with grief. She had watched him and though she tried to hide it behind a mask, Inuyasha had killed something in her. One Shot. InuKag.


"So what? Is it over?"

"That's not what I want!"

"What is it that you want? Why can't you just _tell_ me?"

"It's not so easy, you know. We can't always open our hearts and spill every last detail of our lives."

"But don't you see what happens to us when we don't speak? Can't you grasp that all the problems between us just get bigger and bigger until this happens?"

"I don't know what you want from me!"

"You!" she sobbed. This outburst was all the more emphasized because of the distinctive silence following it. She cried so hard that she eventually hugged her stomach and slumped over herself in an effort to ease the pain her body and heart could not escape.

She didn't know how it could come to this. They used to be so happy. Quickly she relived the happiest moments of her life in her mind. Thinking of the first time they met, the first time they kissed, the first time they made love, the day they got married. Then she relived the deterioration of her unhappiness. The day she started as a full time doctor, the first time she realized they had stopped talking, the first time she saw him with _her_, the first time she believed he didn't love her. It broke something in her that day. What hurt her the most was that she felt responsible. _She _let this happen. She wasn't around enough, she didn't talk to him, and she wasn't there for _him_ enough.

After much more crying she gasped to mute her cries but only managed to quiet them. She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to clear her head. She wished she could have been stronger and held herself together. But her heart felt like it had been ripped out and she didn't know what to do.

Sniffing she declared, "I'm sorry, Yasha."

Surprised he took a step towards her and reached a hand out longing to stroke her cheek and pull her into his embrace. But stopped himself. It had taken every ounce of his self-control to hold down his instincts that were screaming at him to protect his mate who was obviously distressed. His heart broke to see her so destroyed. Why did he let this happen? She is the love of his life and he fucked it up. He never wanted to stop her from going for her dream and becoming the ultimate healer. He knew that's what she wanted. She desired it, so he desired it for her. What happened? In retrospect he was hurt – he felt like she didn't need him anymore and so unconsciously found someone who did. Kikyo was never supposed to be anything. She was a one-time deal he met in a bar. He was so drunk and lonely and she _looked_ so much like Kagome, his wonderfully loyally and busy working wife, he didn't realize how drunk he was. The moment it he awoke in Kikyo's bed with Kikyo's arms around his stomach he fled the bed naked and vomited on the carpet. He had betrayed his mate and his yokai instincts found him completely degraded. They could not reconcile his betrayal. His human side felt sick, but in the bottom of his heart he understood that he was looking for love and was too afraid to talk to Kagome about his loneliness. Afraid she would find him too needy, too selfish and then she'd have a choice to make and knowing Kagome she would give up her career for him and subconsciously or consciously resent him for making her choose. Or worse, an irrational part of his mind decided, she would choose the job and leave him alone in his wretchedness.

But when he got home she hadn't noticed anything wrong and he admitted nothing. He bathed and scrubbed every remnance of Kikyo's presence from his body and then lay down in bed with his wife and did not sleep at all. After that he seemed to continue without thought. Kikyo was a means to an end and Kagome was blissfully unaware of her husband's dalliances.

"Kagome?"

He didn't realize it – or maybe he hoped, subconsciously that she would realize it, - but Kagome began to catch on to his cheating habits. When she finally followed him one day she watched as he met whomever –she-was in a hotel room and witnessed through a broken shutter in the window as her husband made love to another woman.

Kagome watched it as though it were a medical procedure – without emotion. She watched her Inuyasha rip off the woman's clothing and she in turn and saw them lay on the unopened sheets. She remembered thinking 'she looks like me.' Which then started to weave questions in her head. 'Did he know her before they got married?' 'Did he love her?' 'Did he love his wife anymore?' and most importantly, 'Who was he?'

The Inuyasha she knew would never cheat. He didn't lie, he was too prideful and he didn't mind ever hurting someone's feelings by telling them the truth. When did that stop? Who was he anymore?

"It's me, Yasha." Kagome straightened up and weakly looked him in the eye. She saw how this hurt him. Whether it was seeing her in pain, or maybe he was in pain, or perhaps just having this conversation, or probably all three, whatever it was he was hurting and concerned and vulnerable. She did her best to look strong and confident but she didn't fool Yasha. Her mate. Her soul. Who knew her better than she knew herself? She unconsciously placed a hand on her heart as if to stop the hurt or perhaps protect it from more.

"I wanted the job so much and I took you for granted, Yash. I can't believe how stupid I was. It hit me when I saw it." She explained.

His brows scrunched together in confusion and he asked almost fearfully, "Saw what?"

Her face reverted to a mask as she answered, "When I saw you make love to her in the hotel room. You see there was a broken blind and I could see everything. Maybe it was meant to be. If I had just seen you go in, I would have just assumed it was a business meeting or you two were friends. Oh I would have made up any excuses for you. But I saw everything. I realized then that I had destroyed us."

Inuyasha fell to his knees in horror. His yokai was wailing in pain and his human soul was ravaged with grief. She had watched him and though she tried to hide it behind a mask, Inuyasha had killed something in her, the very presence of such a mask indicated a certain depth of pain that he had only seen on her face at her father's funeral when they were kids.

"No . . ." he moaned in a vain attempt to wish this all away. Tears welled up in his eyes and he reached up to brush them furiously away when he was stopped. Kagome stepped towards him and kneeled she grabbed both his hands and kissed them slowly before dropping his hands and placing her hands on his cheeks and looking him in the eyes. The mask had deteriorated and out came her distress. Even though she was in unimaginable pain she pushed it aside and focused on his pain and how to make everything all right.

"It's alright, Inuyasha." Then she looked at his lips and kissed him. It was slow and sensual. Not erotic or lustful but full of love and sadness and pain. She cried into the kiss as he moved his hands to wind his hands through her hair and cherishing the love and emotion in their kiss. Everything he had been missing was in this single kiss and he finally let his own tears fall. Never had anything with Kikyo ever filled him as much as kissing Kagome did. She slowly broke the kiss and stood up effectively but gently breaking their embrace. She stroked his cheek finally and whispered,

"I wish you all the happiness in the world with your next wife."

Then she abruptly turned and hurriedly walked towards the door. Inuyasha shook his head as if in a daze and stood up and grabbed her before she could leave.

"Kagome what are you talking about?" He cried as he spun her around grabbed both wrists roughly and pulled her to him so he could look her in the face. But she looked to the side as tears cascaded down her face in multitudes. He shook her roughly,

"Tell me!"

She looked up at him slowly and whimpered in pain, he loosened his hold on her fractionally but still held her. This time he wasn't letting go.

"Oh, Yasha, I'm giving you a chance to go and be free of me. Obviously I couldn't be there for you, I _wasn't _enough for you. I'm going to free you so you can – "

" – I only called her your name! I never even called her by her name. She was nothing to me but a sorry substitute that I shamefully used in an effort to feel close to you. The way we used to be together."

"Yasha that doesn't change anything, obviously I wasn't doing my duty as your mate and I failed you. We failed each other. How can it ever be the same between us we used to talk to each other? There were never any secrets. You knew me implicitly, I knew you –"

"I was afraid!" he yelled and released her hands only to encircle her in his arms and hold her. He buried his face in her neck and smelled her pure Kagome smell before continuing more calmly but painfully.

"I wanted you but you were so busy and you were working so hard. I didn't want to get between you and the job you love so much. And when it got really bad I still was afraid to tell you because telling you would make you do something like choose between me and the job and if you chose me and gave up the job I was afraid you would always resent me for it and if you chose the job I knew I would die, because a life without you is not life for me. You are my home. _You _are _my mate_. So I tried to replace the feelings I was missing with someone else but I always wanted you. It was never another woman to me. It was you as you were before hand. But it never measured up and I never felt better afterwards. It was only my over-selfish desire for more of you."

Kagome grasped his face slowly and met his eyes. She looked in them for a long time and then kissed him. She kissed him with all the passion for him that she'd always had. Afterwards she looked him in the eyes again and asked,

"What is it you want, Yasha?"

"You. It's always been you. I'm sorry I need you so – "

"Never apologize for needing me."

"What will happen to us?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love me?"

"I always will, Yasha"

" . . ."

"Kagome. I have always and will always love you forever."

"We will be forever different after this, Yash."

"I would have you through heaven and hell, Kagome."

" . . ."

Finish 

A/N: I want to say that I own nothing of Inuyasha and it all belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.

_**I want to thank Brianna Aisling for her great stories and the line "I wish you . . . with your next wife." She is a fantastic author you should all read her work.**_

_**I want to thank Beth Orton's music especially "Pass In Time", "Blood Red River", and "Devil Song" for their constant guidance with this story.**_

_**Thanks,**_

_**KaGoMiAkA**_


End file.
